damn confusing... can feelings be controlled? juz came back from sec one orientation camp today... from 4 jan to 6 jan...missed 2 days of lssons... hahaz. i have no idea...about something... there's someone whom i dunno whether i like or not... bout that bulldog is not real. but this im not sure... in that bulldog's case, i was messed up by my things and wasnt calm to think it through. my feelings that time was in a mess. so i was wrong. but this... haizz.. mabel said she thinks i really like him... but i dunno. helpless. but anywayz, i cant like anyone. i dun want either. i'm one with no feelings remember? a body without a soul. and i dun want to get hurt anymore. love is like a needle. a cactus. it pricks, hurts also. and exciting. but i really dun want to get hurt anymore. i'm one with no feelings. i only will hurt ppl... i dun understand... why dun ppl cherish what they have? their most basic ability to feel love and happiness. their ability to have feelings? i have lost all my abilities. i'm juz nothing. like what gor said:
Im sick of doing everything just for the sake of spending time, just to get another day over.. I want a life too... haizz. but can we? i know its impossible for me and gor... we're in the same world. but he doesnt think i am. hahaz. told you no one knows a thing bout me. anywayz, does it matter? i have no feelings, everything's fake. i dun belong here. i wanna leave. i want to end everything. i really hope ppl can cherish. cause its not easy to be me. i'm tired. write my name in the death notebook. kill me by the god eyes, i dun mind. everydays the same. tiring. i dunno when will i fall. i have no more strengths to do anything... i wanna sleep forever. know about nothing. dun have to face anything. thats nice... i can feel nothing except hatred. this is my life. extremely meaningless. a total failure. a life of hatred. a life of failure. a simple wish yet difficult. might as well forget bout that wish. i'm juz so tired. hope everyone's well.
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