ConFuSioN

i'm so damn confused by everything... whats going on? what the hell is going on??? who can tell me??? tell me!!! whats wrong with everything and everyone? i really dunno anything. hell. juz so uncertain. everything. everything i do feels so wrong. no, it is wrong!! no one helps me! i juz want to live a peaceful life. a noble ambition. a nice dream. WHY?! why muz it be so difficult?? i really dunno what the hell they're thinking. why do they have to make everything so difficult for me??? everything's juz so uncertain, unsure. hell. who wanna try being me? being someone who can only feel hatred, pain. who wanna be like me? someone who cant even feel the slightest bit of happiness, love. even if there really is. i dun even have the basic thing every human has-laughter. what is happiness? ask me? no idea. asked the wrong person. i really give up... this world... so tiring to do anything... wanna cry. but does it help? will i even feel a bit better after that? no. its the same. everyday, every minute, every second... hatred. its bloody nice. i really do not have any more strengths to do anything... i juz feel so tired. i wanna cry. i wanna rest. i wanna stop. i dun wanna continue anymore. no one will know, no one will understand. i dun have the ability to feel happiness. since everyone else has, why wouldnt they juz make use of it? i've lost the ability long ago. what i want is juz so simple, yet so difficult. pain and hatred. lol. how nice. i'm really tired... i cant feel anything. i want to stop. i want to end. its juz too tiring. i'm only a passerby in everybody's life. no one will remember me. what and for whom am i living for? easy question. my mother. i'm living for her. i'm doing everything for her. i'll work hard. i'll achieve and be successful. one day, she'll see my success and be happy. i want her to be fortunate. to be proud of me. but when she leaves, i'll leave with her. i want her to feel the happiness. besides that, there's nothing for me to live on. i have to go on. for her. and i do want everyone to be happy. yes of course. but no one will remember me. never mind. whatever. whatever i do is wrong. blame on me. i dun mind. everything i do is wrong. everything feels so wrong. take a gun and shoot me. i'll be grateful. thanks a lot. i'll really be grateful. go on, shoot me. kill me. i dun exist anywayz