It JuZ GeTs WoRse...

why does my pain juz gets worse? why do i fall even greater? why cant i even at least juz maintain?? my world's closing in. who would care? maybe gor. he's the only one. i give up councillors. i hate them. but i hate myself even more. what wrong have i done? what have i done to deserve all these? why cant i juz die off? why do everyone everything have to torture me like that? i dun belong to this freaking world. i juz dont. why does everyone start detesting me? i'm already tired enough... please. stop everything. who doesnt want to be happy? who doesnt want to be loved? i dun need to be happy. neither do i want to be loved. i juz hope no one will dislike or detest me. everything, they're getting so far. i dun understand this world. what does this world comprise of? i hope, the doctors would tell me one day that i'm going to die soon. its torturous. i dun want this life. i hate myself. who am i? i need someone to tell me. who the hell am i? my name, my looks, my everything, they're so far away. what can i do? nothing. sit back, get detested, and wait fer death. i have no other feelings except hatred, pain and hurt. whats the point of everything? someone tell me. who am i? i have nothing. i have lost everything. so my life is meaningless. i dun need anything, dun want anything. i juz hope this life ends. i juz hope when i leave , everyone will be happy and in harmony. things dun come in my way, and i have no choice. i've lost everything. one day, i'll juz lose my life. but why doesnt it get lost quickly? no one will remember me, i have nothing, so there isnt anything for me to stay in this world. i feel that, only gor will love me. and tong staying by my side. and jie. maybe, they the only ones who might understand how it hurts. but they wont understand still. my pain. they wont. but i still wanna thank them for loving me. the only ones who will not detest me maybe? a big thank you to all of you. and, i really love you all. juz that i really have no more energy left to love you all, or to do anything. but trust me, i really do love you all. the important ppl in my life. the whole of my life. gor, you once said i am still young, i have hope. but do you know that thats what i've been asking myself often? i'm still young. why do i have to face everything? why am i fated and supposed to lose everything when i'm still young? no idea. no one knows the answer. they wouldnt know. pointless and meaningless. hatred and pain. hurt and hell. very nice combination. and a very beautiful life.