Its juz so painful

everything is juz so unbearable
how long can i last?
i juz have to continue isnt it?
even if everything is worse than hell to me
it hurts..
really hurts so much
i shall continue to hurt myself
until one day when i really recover from the wound in my heart
but that isnt possible anywayz
so what if it will leave scars?
no one knows, how hard it is for me to continue
i have to laugh
i have to smile
i have no choice...
my mind is so screwed
cant remember anything
i dun even know what is happening..
crying everyday...i'm so tired
even in my dream, i cried
why?
why is it so painful?
i really forgot how it feels to laugh heartily
begging, screaming in my dreams
for someone to take me away
no one heard me
i juz have to walk on..
until one day when i can no longer hold on
now i need energy, strength to believe
that one day i can break free
why...
why is it that we can never recover?
over years of torture
it hurts so much...
好痛....