WhaT Am I SuPPoSeD To Do??

someone tell me...
what am i supposed to do?
maybe i shouldnt have read the previous posts
of this blog
i never realised,
or should i say i forgot
how much i hated her
because i chose to let go at the time
i even forgot
actually all these years,
i really have only myself
no one else
i went through everything myself
all the pain, all the hatred, all the changes
so now, i do not need you either
it doesnt make a difference
rely on myself is enough
its tough...
tough until i really feel like killing myself
crying everyday, until i'm so tired
then fall asleep
my life is like that
then i forget everything for the time being
though my dreams are as disturbed
i dont know...
not a second i can rest
this is really hell
where i belong to...
who am i ?.....

GiVe Me A BreaK

life..
happenings..
hatred..
love..
pain..
happiness..
people..
etc etc..
funny, do you think i know what is going on?
no i dont
too bad for me isnt it?
dun have to pity me, cause i'm an idiot also
my home: hell
i juz feel so out of everything
like i'm not in this world
sometimes i really feel like asking someone:
am i dead or alive?
why do i feel so dead?
feel like asking someone to kill me
finish me off
why....
things going around in my head
mind too screwed
feel like clearing everything
zzz
i really hate everything..
so tired..
maybe i'll juz disappear like that someday?
you wont blame me right?
i've really tried my best alr...
my apologies..
maybe that time, i really should have consulted the psychologist
ask him or her whats wrong with me
please...someone take me away..
why is it that i cant even rest well?
in my dreams..they are so disturbed
crying...
can i be alone?
can i sleep forever?
how to continue with my life?...
i really have no idea..
i don't know how..
so juz take me away
anyway i have long accepted the fact that i will never recover
i want to leave
thats my decision

Its juz so painful

everything is juz so unbearable
how long can i last?
i juz have to continue isnt it?
even if everything is worse than hell to me
it hurts..
really hurts so much
i shall continue to hurt myself
until one day when i really recover from the wound in my heart
but that isnt possible anywayz
so what if it will leave scars?
no one knows, how hard it is for me to continue
i have to laugh
i have to smile
i have no choice...
my mind is so screwed
cant remember anything
i dun even know what is happening..
crying everyday...i'm so tired
even in my dream, i cried
why?
why is it so painful?
i really forgot how it feels to laugh heartily
begging, screaming in my dreams
for someone to take me away
no one heard me
i juz have to walk on..
until one day when i can no longer hold on
now i need energy, strength to believe
that one day i can break free
why...
why is it that we can never recover?
over years of torture
it hurts so much...
好痛....