Who ThE RuDDy HeLL CaN SaVe Me?

hahaz. not a good title i can think of. anyhow write. doesnt matter anywayz... dun give a damn. i dun want to give a damn. i dun want to bother... what i want is simple... a peaceful life... thats all. i dun even need love relationships... maybe i havent reached the state whereby i totally gave up... thats why its so pain. but that doesnt mean that by totally giving up, there'll be no pain. no. there'll still be. its like ma mu le... whatever... no one will understand... no one will understand how it feels to feel nothing... no one will understand how i'm feeling now... totally hopeless helpless... not knowing what i'm doing... cant think... the best is, i dun even know who am i... i'm not sure. i dunno. everybody refused to tell me. no one tells me whats happening. hatred. blood. i've experienced. torture. i want to give up. but now i understand how gor feels... i cant give up. no one allows me to. i cant stop. i cant rest. i cant even have the chance to cry. to scream. this world... haha. i'll juz have to continue, until i fall. until one day, i juz fall dead. and no one will know me. no one will remember me. i'm really tired... i dun want to know anything... i dun want to face anything... i agree with one saying...that imaginations are complicated, facing reality aren't that difficult. but i only agree with the front part. this world... to hard to believe. to trust. there's no love. only fakes. deceiving is everybody's hobby. this world is ugly.. i juz want to leave this place. i really want to leave this place. i want to go somewhere no one knows me. a place whereby i'm carefree. what do i care and what do i not? told you, i dunno who am i. dunno what i'm doing... dunno whats happening. no one will know how much it hurts... no one will understand. everybody...leave me... dun bother... i'm a no one. i'm someone who doesnt know anything... i'm someone who cant feel a thing. no one will understand. and no one can save me. i'll juz continue until i fall dead. no one will know...that the pain's suffocating me... i really.... cant remember the past, i have no memories...what are they? who can tell me? i cant feel the present. so can anyone tell me whats happening around me now? i cant see the future. there's no need for a fortune teller. tell you. this world is a freak. i hate... everything, everybody... i want to leave.... i really do...

WhaTs TheRe To WisH FoR???

in this world....there really isnt love. no matter how hard i tried, i'm still invisible.. to eveyone. to gor, to everybody....and to wei shan. invisible people stays invisible forever. no use trying. fated... wei shan, i know that maybe you feel that we dun like you or are leaving you out, but have you really think it through thoroughly? you say no one cares. you din see me. cause im invisible. i dun need or want you to care for me, or even see me. but at least i hope you will think and feel that i care. i dun want to force you either. but i really want to care for you and you dun even give me the chance to. you said no one understands, but if you dun even let anyone know, how will you know if they wouldnt understand? i tried. tried in everything. gave my best shot. tried hard. but all i want is everyone to be happy. to be fortunate. even if they dun see me. even if i am hurt. i dun care. but i want everyone to be happy. why? why cant you even help me in that? yeah true...being happy isnt easy...or should i say its impossible to me. i'm in pain. and tired of this world. this world is complicated. impossible to know or understand. full of betrayers and fakers...hell..you would never know....i'm really tired....too tired to carry on... but i cant rest also. juz continue until i fall... i do everything as you say. even if i din want to... today going to watch the grudge 2...you din know actually how scared i am... i know its going to be very scary...maybe i juz close my eyes... but i will turn up. because you wanted to watch. even if i dun even think im in the wrong, i said sorry to you. trying my best to cheer you up, let you be happy. but you juz din want. you juz din want to help me. i'm really tired....tired from everything... sometimes i juz wanna lie in bed and sleep....forever...but even my sleep are never peaceful. the dreams are disturbing me.... i cant rest. and i'm really tired lerhx....dunno when i'll juz fall...and never be able to stand up...too weak...no strength....and guess it'll be soon bahx...because no one sees me, it doesnt bother anymore... cause no one will even know...i give up...i give up trying to know this world. i give up in my dreams and ambitions....i give up in everything... i dun fit in anywhere.... and no one knows...

WeLL, WhaT Is LoGiC???

whats logic? maybe there isnt such thing called logic bahx... as days, months, years passed by, i see no logic in this world anymore. logic has vanished. logic, trueness, love, care, concern....all good things that you can list. they have all disappeared. vanished into thin air. there isnt any in the owrld anymore. all are fakes. lies, selfishness, betrays, hatred, kill, blood....those are the things that are in this world now. beautiful aint it? all the bad things....this world... how i wish it really come to an end... soon... muahaha. mabel... i want to forgive and forget... i want to reaccept her... trying hard to... improving le bahx? hahaz. jie is right... the art to forgive... hahaz. but the hurt remains... forever. in my heart. why? when i finally got the slightest bit the hope for this world cause i tried forgiving mabel, you muz destroy it? fakers... liers... betrayers... realised mabel is better than you a million times... how can you? when i saw you in tm, my first feeling was scared instead of excited and happy. too scared to call you. i knew you changed. but i didnt expect you to become like that. what made you become like that? why muz youtreat me and monica like that? how cruel are you? i trusted you so much. listed you as my forever best fren. a special place that not everyone can be placed in my heart. yet you... how can you? no hope left. whats left is still only hatred. hatred to this world. there's no love. all are fakes. pain and hurt...there's nothing i can do. i'm standing at the same spot. not moving at all. gave up...really...i'm really very tired...no strengths to continue. to think.to help. to do things. to remember. no one will understand...its too difficult. this world...too difficult to know...to understand... my brain stopped working. but my heart is aching every minute... every second... too pain that i dun even know why i am hurt... i forget, but the pain gets stronger...it doesnt heal. it doesnt get better. and i gave up trying to get better... it gets worse. more pain as minutes and seconds pass by... whats the point? i really dun remember why i am hurt. why i feel pain. why...... i cant remember a thing...thats nothing good. cause the pain's still there... it will forever be there..heck. dun care bout anything le... i have no energy to care anywayz... i'm juz a body without a soul... who am i? hahaz. i dunno... i really cant remember whats hurting me...what i've gone through...whats happened. the pain... is suffocating me..i cant breathe... i hate... hatred has covered me. pain and hurt have taken my whole heart... believe...thats what i always tell others... but do i believe? i never did. maybe once i did. but not now. and never am i going to le. dun intend to at least. not going to rely on anyone... i dun want to rely anymore.... I HATE LIFE!!!!!!!!!! IT SUCKS!!!!! whats happenning? whats happened? i dunno. i cant remember. how nice... i cant remember. cant think far...im useless. idiot. saying the same things cause i cant think further anymore... no one can help me. and no one shall. whee~ i love pain