Yesterday I went to the beach - ECP. I like to go there. Especially when I'm feeling low. The waves are calming. I walked and walked. And sat down on the sand near the waves. Listening to the waves, feeling the breeze, the sand at the touch of my hands. At that moment, it felt good. I felt free. Free from whatever I need to face. Free from my life. My trapped life. My tiring life. My liveless life. My life... Unreal, feeling like I'm not alive. I hate that feeling. I just want to feel alive, even if it's just for one moment... Sitting there, I felt so light, as if something is lifted off, as if my shackles were broken off. I could finally breathe. Maybe that used to be me. With dreams, with positivity, with smiles. As time went by, all the problems, pressure, emotions and feelings start to pile on me. Pushing me down, making me feel so fatigued. I started to dissociate, I am escaping from something. I suddenly realised that, there are three parts of me. The carefree and positive one, the strong yet detached one and the weak and vulnerable one. I should give them names. But I can't think of any for now. So I shall call them 1, 2 and 3. As I sat at the beach, 2 heard 1 said, "辛苦你了." 是啊，累了却一直支撑着。站在那里，无论风吹雨打都保护着 3.

我不想离开海边，因为离开了就必须回到我的生活，那个疲惫无力的自己。但是我没有办法，没有选择。所以我只能将1 和 3 再次埋起来。