A Sad World.

this blog is like, my unhappy world?
then what about the other blog?
happy world?
which is the real me, sometimes i really wonder
i have many sides
happy, unhappy, optimistic, pessimistic
laughable, crying, jokey, attitude
smiling, dao.....so on and so forth~~
now i suddenly think,
blogs are meant to make the distance be shorter isnt it?
why do i feel that it only makes ppl further?
or is it only my thinking?
maybe, i over estimated myself
maybe, i believed in you too much
maybe, i am wrong always...
but i'm tired
so i want to let go
maybe, we shouldnt have known each other
i feel so deadly tired
hatred...it once filled my heart
until one day, i realise i'm stupid
not worth hating others
not worth minding so much
cause they dun give a damn at all
why?
no idea
i hate it...
truthfully, i'm really glad to see ppl being happy
they understand some things, they are contented
they dun despair
but i dun deny, i feel sad
sad that others are moving on
leaving me alone again
cause i juz cant move on
stuck?
its so saddening...
sigh
what to do?
the tears i've shed
the pain i suffered
can they get drowned by sorrows?
the bad memories that stay within my heart
the good and happy memories that is haunting me now
it hurts, to have to accept the fact that i'm crying ALONE
all these years...
i dun want to say sorry anymore
i dun want to bother anymore
i dun want to care anymore
i dun want to see you anymore
i dun want to believe anymore
can i?
please? i beg you...
i want to be free...really
i want to leave...let me go..
my world..feels like walking into a haunted house
haunted by memories
haunted by tears
haunted by the pain i suffered
i dun want to know anymore
i juz want to rest...
to forget everything...
to erase my memories...
and say goodbye to all..

I ThoughT..

i thought i knew
i thought i could do it
i thought i can overcome it
i thought i could forget
i thought i can make myself feel better
i thought i could stop crying
i thought....
in the end?
no
i cant...
its still the same
whats more,
i've always been alone
i'm so tired
who can save me?
whats the point?
this life is too unbearable
no matter what dreams i have,
no matter what thoughts i have
for the future,
they wont work
cause i cant continue anymore..
i'm so tired....
why force me to feel better?
you all dont know,
i really cant do it
i tried so hard
in the end i lost myself
who understands?
no one...
i'm alone
i have no one
i asked heaven: who am i?
no one answers
leaving me behind to cry
cry my heart out and no one knows..