I want to die so badly. Cant help but keep crying whenever I'm not occupied. It hurts so badly. Why is everywhere a trigger for me now? Work, home, aerial, you. Everything triggers my pain, my tears. So many things going on in my mind. 

Why am i born into this world? Why am I just a burden and nuisance to you all? Why do you always have to make me feel guilty for everything I do or not do? Why is my existence not enough for you? Why is it that everything i do for you dont seem to count? Why do you have to make feel so useless for not being able to give you lavish life? I dont even know whether you love me or not. I hate this place. I hate hearing your voice, your complaints. I hate both of you talking to me. I hate listening and not even being heard. I never talked. Because you all never cared.

And I'm just this lousy person that no matter how hard i try I will never do well. I will never be confident. Im just not good at anything. I am fat, ugly and suck at fashion. I am not as smart as him, not as slim and fashionable as her. 

I know I'm not important to anyone, it doesnt matter whether i exist. This thought never fail to bring tears to my eyes. I have nothing, and will leave with nothing. I am disposable, unwanted. 

I wish I have the courage to leave.