WhaT Is The MeaNinG oF EveRyThinG???

haizz. well, long time never write le... this blog only got a few posts hahaz. dun have the time, or the mood? to write... hahaz.this world...is damn freaky...many kinds of peeps out there... impossible to know everyone of them...they might not be who they seem to be also anywayz... people come and go... and people change as time goes by... change too quickly...makes people unable to believe, to even know what to do... impossible to understand... this world is turning more and more scary... but what can i do? nothing, practically nothing... piece of shit...no one saves me. no one is there fer me. no one helps me. no one teaches me. no one tells me what to do. no one listens to me. no one understands... so why bother? its not that i really dun want to rely... i tried searching fer someone whom i can rely and tell my things to. but to no avail. no one. searched frantically. wanted someone to rely on badly. but there was no one. gave up. completely no one. haizz... din want to rely then.. maybe even if there was someone, i wouldnt do it either. i might not have the courage. too coward to do anything... like an idiot. hahaz. life is full of miseries... hell. hatred. bloody.darkness. whee~ see my frens depressed. wanted badly to help them. really i do. and i tried all means. be there fer them. hoped i can at least do something fer them. my only wish is that everyone would be happy. smiling everyday. doesnt matter i cry or what. as long as they smile... i only know what is smile on others. but i myself have not the slightest idea what is smile or laugh. whats that? hahaz. cool. i didnt know. i dunno. confused. i want people to rely on me, then when they got back to their feet, they leave me. maybe i'm too useless that anyone would even rely on me? im useless. idiot. stupid. hell. dreams....gave up long ago? no one will understand. hell is near. or am i in it? doubt so. whats life all about? selfishness.betray.nicest word:hell. no one will know how much i hated this world.... hurt? whee~ no idea why i was in this world. why did my mother give birth to me? whats the point? why do people have to grow up? face more things. cry.scream. thats what i wanted to do. but realised i cant even do all those... dun even have the chance to let everything out. cant scream. cant cry. how pain? too tired. too tired to even scream or cry... gave up everything... didnt want to put hopes in anything anymore. wishes, hopes, dreams. all vanished. whats left is hatred, pain, hurt, giving up and blood. i dun understand anything anym0re. hell. piece of shit. let me carry all the burdens. give me all the pain everyone. its nice. i dun need anyone to understand. this world is full of unfairness and selfishness. no idea what to do le. no one can tell me. cause they din even know. hahaz. no one shall know. who am i? can anyone tell me? hahaz. whee~ hell